Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
