it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
