we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
