Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
