Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
