Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish you could order shots online.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize