Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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