Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
