it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
