My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
