it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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