Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
