We're like a lot better than the average bears
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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