jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
