Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize