we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
