my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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