fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
