she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
