wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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