my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
