nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
