Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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