i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
