And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You can't special order awesome
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you remember whose house we're in?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
