I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
