So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
