It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
