i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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