Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
