my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
