we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this will be a night to untag.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
