bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
