spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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