I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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