When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
