Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize
