Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
