My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
