u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize