The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do herpes really smell.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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