Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
