I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
