so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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