i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your penis caused this!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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