You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
