HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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