I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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