Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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