He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
