I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
