So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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