Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
