the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
