I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
home. puking in laundry basket.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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