I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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