Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
