When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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