I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
