I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
