don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
