I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
