he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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