Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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