Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
