I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
