It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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