Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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