Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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