just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
