He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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