Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
