Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
