her vagine was all disorganized.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
