Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
